During the early months of our first year of marriage, there were times when we felt like two separate people living in the same house who casually interacted with one another. Mornings were quiet with pages turning and breakfast dishes clinking. Daylight hours were spent working. Evenings were filled with washing dishes, loud vacuums, building websites, video games, youth group, and scrolling on our phones. Except for work hours, we spent nearly every moment together.
And yet, our interactions were vague and surface level. The response to the usual question, “How was your day?” was the typical answer, “Good,” and nothing more. Our discussions consisted of strange things our dog did, complaints about the internet, and minor commentary while we played Scrabble. Meanwhile, one of us may be feeling the crushing weight of sadness, anxiety, or bitterness, but those true feelings only became apparent during arguments. “Why are you so upset all of sudden?” wasn’t the right question. A better question was, “How long have you felt this way?” Even small issues festered into rotting sores.
When we were engaged, the times we had in person or through a computer screen were precious, and we spent that time discussing our day, what we were learning in church and Bible study, and the struggles we were experiencing. We looked forward to the time when we would be together and have no lack of quality time. But a few months into marriage we felt more distant from each other than we had during our engagement when I was an entire province away from him.
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