The Empty Promise of "If Only"

I sat in the office of my university advisor, trying to hold back my tears through gritted teeth. “Are you sure there’s no way I can go home early and finish up the year at home?

He frowned and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lara. Maybe we can work together to figure out a way to make the last part of this year more enjoyable.

I had a little over a month left of my first year at university. The passion I held in my heart when I first arrived had dried up as I fought against anxiety and loneliness. I lacked the desire to go to any of my classes, and avoided interactions with other students as much as possible. All I wanted was to go home and be with my husband-to-be and family. I was tired of battling anxiety each day.

As I walked back to my dorm room, I kept my head low to hide my tears. If only I could find a way home, then I would be rid of this anxiety and I would be happy again.

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