Unguarded Advice

Have you ever considered advice to be a dangerous gift? Tolkien seemed to think so. The Fellowship of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien:

“And it is also said,” answered Frodo: “Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.”
“Is it indeed?” laughed Gildor. “Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill.”

I’m the one who runs to fix every problem of those I love. It’s hard for me to sit with those in pain without trying to use my words as a bandage to their wounds. I want to step into their darkened world and cast a bright light for them and hand them a lantern of hope as well. There was a time when I thought I was the perfect person to do that, too. I heard through my studies that every believer is equipped to instruct and counsel one another, and I believed that that was particularly true of me. I had great faith. I possessed much knowledge. I was well-read. I knew many Bible verses. If anyone could give advice, it was me.

Yet suffering became a school-teacher of humility to me. Trials caused me to put a hand over my mouth. I doubted. I floundered. I became angry. But in the midst of all that, I found myself at the receiving end of advice-giving, and my eyes were opened up to the painful reality of all kinds of unguarded advice. I saw how the light I believed I was offering to those in pain was actually more blinding than it was enlightening. My words cut off circulation rather than heal their wounds. 

Through my suffering, God also sifted bad theology from me. I had a wrong understanding of mental health that lacked a right and grateful view of his common grace. I saw not only how much damage I had done to my own heart through gripping these wrong ideologies, but also how much harm I had caused others by giving them advice based on these wrong beliefs. Advice can truly be a dangerous gift.

There is “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak,” (Ecc. 3:7 ESV). “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver,” (Prov. 25:11) and “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent,” (10:19). There is a time when advice is needed. I seek advice and guidance on nearly every word I publish. When faced with life-altering decisions, I consult those wiser than me. But there are also times to be quiet and simply sit with those who are suffering, and times when our advice is only more senseless noise to the one who is making a decision. It takes wisdom to know, which is only given from God through his Word and many well-ordered days. 

I’m learning that when in doubt, it’s better to hold my tongue and pray. To be like the Elves of Middle Earth who seldom give unguarded advice.