Slowness to speak isn’t just for our benefit, but for all those who will hear our words—and words usually only grow wiser with time.

Have you ever wished you could just ghost someone online rather than reply with the painful answer you know you need to give? If you’ve felt this temptation, let me assure you that you’re not alone—but also encourage you in a better way forward.

When we feel that fire inside of us, we need to tame it with a pause. As James wrote to the dispersed Christians, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19–20 ESV). How can we practice being slow to speak and quick to hear? By pausing, studying, and listening.

We all have stories. Some are meant to be shared to encourage and give voice to others’ stories. But some are not meant to be proclaimed on the internet. There is power in a picture and strength behind a story, but sometimes it’s more important to protect those I love, including myself. Here’s how we can discern the difference.

Patience is a virtue I am continually chipping away at. In a similar way to these ordinary tasks, I’m learning to be slow and patient with my words as well. And I find these two pictures of patience from my husband to be a helpful reminder of what that patience looks like.

Maybe you love the snow, but the beating down of the summer sun makes you cranky. Or maybe you’re sick of trudging through muck and puddles from the seemingly endless rain. But when we complain about the weather, we are not different than wayward Israel.

With the admonition to be slow to speak should come the caveat, Be slow to assume. Our relationships within the church could be more unified if we remember the grace and charity we have been shown by Christ, who knew the depths and sins of our hearts, and seek to show charity to one another in our assumptions of each others words and motives.

There’s value in taking time to re-evaluate and ponder what someone’s words could have meant before criticizing them. We should listen to a person’s story before voicing our counsel, and hear what others may have to offer for advice first.